'Master Blaster' Sachin Tendulkar has done it twice in Mumbai, Indian captain Sourav Ganguly has done it once in Kolkata and now it's the turn of India's left-arm medium pace-bowling spearhead Zaheer Khan, who is doing it in our very own city, Pune. No, please don't get any wild ideas: they have entered the restaurant business in a very big way!
But while we just have to wait and see how well (or badly) our cricketers' joints (and no, I am not referring to Tendulkar's elbows) are doing, I have a serious word of caution to a bunch of other players in the country who aspire to follow in the footsteps of Messrs. Tendulkar, Ganguly and Khan-please stick to playing cricket and do not even think about opening any more cricket-themed eateries, because swapping a bat (or a ball, as the case may be) for a ladle isn't every cricketer's cup of tea.
The list of top ten cricketers who should not even consider entering the restaurant business is as follows:
1. Mohammed Azharuddin: My apologies to Lou Bega (the singer who crooned Mambo No. 5) for twisting a line from his famous number, but this should explain why the former Indian skipper should refrain from starting an eatery: "A lot of Bijlani by his side, a little biryani can make him wide". Of course, the wristy Hyderabadi batsman, known for his penchant for fitness, could think of aplace that serves health food. An area into which Azhar shouldn't even think of venturing is bars and pubs, unless he wants to entertain drunken wags who'll go up to the bartender and say, "Hey, fix me a whisky with soda on the rocks!"
2. Rahul Dravid: Dada may be the captain, but his deputy is smart enough not to follow in the current Idian skipper's footsteps in everything he does. Dravid should ideally stick to his classy technique and impeccable temperament at the batting crease. It would be unwise for India's vice-captain to shift his focus to the business of dishing out food. if he has plans to open a restaurant in the future (post-retirement, that is), he should invest in a cricket-themed restaurant with his personal cricketing memorabilia adorning 'the Walls'. There's no cricket fan out there who wouldn't be up to the idea of jamming with Jammy.
3. Virender Sehwag: Veeru has two options if he wants to start a restaurant. One, he can set up a cosy place in the heart of Najafgarh that serves up hot home-cooked meals prepared by Sehwag ki maa. Secondly, he could consider opening a milk booth, where the sales of dairy products could 'Boost' the Nawab of Najafgarh's bank balance to a great extent. After all, doodh-shoodh peena padta hai. However, he should not consider both options. We cannot afford to have some (seh) wags knowing the secret of Veeru's energy.
4. Harbhajan Singh/Yuvraj Singh: Picture this: a hungry truck driver, driving down the national highway from Jalandhar to Chandigarh. He had had his last meal a long time ago, at a dhaba in Jaladhar, owned by India's ace off-spinner Harbhajan Singh. After pampering his taste-buds with some hot 'pav-Bhajji', he hits the road again and proceeds on the journey to Chandigarh. Once the truck driver reaches his destination, he wants to grab a quick bite again, before he can move on to the next town. He orders a tall glass of cool lassi at a restaurant owned by the young and dashing Punjab and India southpaw (Yuvraj Singh). This, he hopes will protect him from the harsh 'Yuvi' rays of the sun and keep him cool during the next leg of his journey. However, he learns a mutilated version of Newton's law the hard way: 'For every (supposedly illegal) action, there is an equal, opposite and doosra reaction'. He falls ill and wonders whether he should have just stayed at home and had a hot plate of bhajjis or (yuv) rajma instead.
5. Anil Kumble: If the engineer-turned-leg-spinner from Bangalore decides to enter the food business, most probably he will start a bakery, whose main activity would be baking cookies. Kumble is a toughie, and has never been known to k (r) umble (sorry, crumble) under pressure. However, although Jumbo has the record for the most number of Test wickets by an Indian bowler to his name, the cookies he'd bake should hopefully be more unpredictable that his googlies and leg-breaks. Well, here's hoping the cookie never k (r) umbles.
6. Vinod Kambli: A man is known by the company he keeps. Kambli is certainly in great company, because he can count master blaster Sachin Tendulkar as one of his childhood buddies. The flashy Mumbaikar, inspired by his best pal Tendulkar, will open a 'wada-pav' and 'cutting chai' stall opposite Tendulkar's (the restaurant) at Colaba in south Mumbai. After a promising start to his international cricketing career, he had faded out of public memory for a while. He then appeared in a Bollywood movie, which didn't exactly set the box office on fire. Since he hasn't heard from the national selectors for a long time, he can probably supply them a box of 'wada-pavs and glasses of piping hot cutting chai'. At least this is one alternative career for which he might get everyone's collective (Vi) nod.
7. V.V.S. Laxman: Why should the stylish Hyderabadi stay away from opening an eatery? The answer is simple: in the restaurant business, the competition is so cut-throat that you cannot afford to be a lax man. It is 281-derful that all VVS' colleagues have decided to enter the food business, but opening a restaurant is not as easy as a walk in the Eden Gardens. And, of course, there is the additional danger of another man who would come knocking at Laxman's door when he's least expecting it: the tax man. So it's a Very Very Special resquest to the Hyderabad batsman to concentrate on cementing his place in the Indian team and not to shift his focus onto the activities of the restaurant business.
8. L. Balaji/Irfan Pathan/Ashish Nehra: Trust India's young pace trio to come up with something fast. In an age where fast food, prompt service (with a toothy smile, thanks to Balaji) and speedy delivery are the keys to survival in the restaurant business, they will have to face some severe competition from the fast food giants. They'll only survive if Balaji can find enough 'laxmi' in the cash register, the (ir) fans are replaced by air-conditioners and of course, they have a steady supply of (a) shish kababs.
9. Ajit Agarkar: Time to bring on the appetising 'sol kadhi', sit back, relax and wait patiently for the 'bombil fry'. Does this ring a bell? Well, Mumbai's right-arm medium-pace bowler Ajit Agarkar's career in international cricket started off on a spectacular note in 1998, when he became the fastest bowler to reach fifty wickets in One-day Internationals. Well, that was the 'sol kadhi' bit. A year later, his batting became a sort of joke in some sections of the Australian press, when he scored ducks in five innings of a series of three Tests against the Aussies on India's tour Down Under. We saw our 'all-rounder' do just that: have a bunch of round figures (zeroes) to his name on the scoreboard. The skinny Mumbaikar was nicknamed 'Bombay Duck'. However, he scored a century against England at Lord's, the Mecca of cricket, in 2002. But Agarkar should not enter the restaurant business anyway, because if he does, he'd make his customers wait for a long time before doing something spectacular again.
10. Mohammed Kaif/Parthiv Patel/Dinesh Mongia/Murali Kartik: A unique partnership of sorts, indeed! Although the youngster from Allahabad, Mohammed Kaif, is one of the fittest young cricketers and probably one of the fastest runners between the wickets, a 'Kaifetaria' ia not a suitable business option for him. It will take its own time and the food served there would not find favour with even the most hard-core fitness freaks. As for the others, customers would find Parthiv Patel's fare quite unpalatable. They would be as eager to part (hiv) with the young Gujarat wicket-keeper as the national selectors did. One more thing that could go against Parthiv is that his staff would be encouraged to take a leaf out of their boss' books. it won't be surprising if they keep dropping cutlery and crockery, just like Patel dropped catches behind the stumps. As for Dinesh Mongia, the handsome Punjabi from Chandigarh is quite 'dishy' himself, so the customers, especially the ladies, would go to the dashing left-hander's restaurant just to see if he is there. They'd come back having had their fill of the attractive cricketer, who would be more appealing to the eye than the dishes on the table. Well, if he ventures out of Punjab, he could think of setting up two branches of his restaurant, one in Lancashire and the other in Leicestershire, but of course, he'd have to withstand the competition from other Asians who serve up hot Indian curry, the current favourite among Britons. His attempts to 'curry' favour with the Indian selectors would go in vain as well. Meanwhile, Murali Kartik, the Railways left-arm spinner, will not even be able to get the green signal from the restaurant authorities. He will need a better 'platform' to exhibit his talent and get back into the team.
As cricket is considered to be a religion in India, these restaurants, started by the above-mentioned cricketers, will not be open on the days when the Indian team is playing a cricket match, as the waiters, chefs, etc. would be very busy watching their bosses play. In fact, they may even get motivated to pad up, swap their ladles, aprons and chef's hats for bats, pads, batting gloves and helmets and go out onto the field themselves, given the poor results on the Indian team in some recent matches. They may start thinking, "if these players can do it, then why can't we?"
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