Indian actresses evince interest in working in Bond movies

Indian actresses evince interest in working in Bond movies

Unofficial Hollywood sources, on conditions of strict anonymity, have finally revealed a little inside story. The hunky actor with the pierc(e)ing blue eyes, who plays James Bond, is looking for a new leading lady to be cast opposite him in his next film. The producers of the 007 franchise have sent word to several actresses, who would do just about anything for this once in a lifetime chance to bond with the best.

Bollywood, too, is very excited about an opportunity for one of its beauties to hit the big-time. The India-based agents of the producers of the 007 franchise have short-listed twelve mainstream Hindi film actresses as likely candidates to get their licence to thrill (and chill) with the handsome secret agent. These actresses wrote personal letters to Bond (Pierce Brosnan), who likes it "shaken, but not stirred", and expressed their interest in working in a James Bond flick.

Here's what they wrote to the spy. We cannot blame Bond if he is in a dilemma over which of the twelve Bollywood heroines he should choose to be cast opposite himself in his next movie.

1. Aishwarya Rai:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Aishwarya Rai, one of India's most popular and viv(ek)acious actresses. Before entering the movies, I was a beauty queen. My male fans never 'miss' my movies for the 'world'. After the initial years of struggle, during which I wore a pair of faded 'jeans', I finally hit the big-time with a couple of blockbusters from one of the most talented directors in this country, Sanjay Leela Bhansali. I was proud to be associated with one of the most expensive films ever made in India, Devdas. I believe I am an Indian actress with an international face. I am, however, hoping never to be associated with a man who proclaims his masculinity by adding the word 'man' as a suffix to his name (e.g. Sal'man' and Letter'man'.) You would have seen me on the Oprah Winfrey talk show, where I showed Oprah the right way to wear a saree. Is it okay with you if I perform my scenes as the next Bond girl in a saree, including the stunts? I am quite uncomfortable with kissing on screen as well, so I hope the directors would kindly keep that in mind. I hope my dreams of bonding with you do not end up in 'Ash'es.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Aishwarya Rai.

2. Amisha Patel:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Amisha Patel. I am basically a smart young woman, but I have a problem portraying both smartness and youth in my characters on screen. My directors think I am too mature for my age, and they accordingly give me mature and over-smart roles to play. Well, the less said about all my movies that released after my first two movies (to date, my two biggest hits), the better it would be for the both of us. I only hope you will boost my career by saying 'Kaho Naa ... Pyaar Hai' to me on screen. I think we will create Gadar together on screen. What say, Mr. Bond? As far as my personal life is concerned, there's a lot more happening there (problems with the family, a relationship with a director, etc.), which helps me stay in the news. As it is, my career graph is not 'rising', but it is continuously and steadily falling.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Amisha Patel.

3. Bipasha Basu:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Bipasha Basu, the leading lady with the hot 'jism'. You are no 'ajnabee' to me, and it is no 'raaz' that I would like to work with you. Having been a ramp model myself before entering the film industry, I am familiar with the adage that models cannot act, but that is absolutely untrue in my case. I can not only act, but I also sometimes tend to overact a bit. I have been involved in two wonderful relationships, and both the men are hunks. The first one was in the 'Dino'saur age, and I later said to him, "Yeh dil maange no More(a)". I am currently dating another model-turned-actor, John Abraham, and we're a hot pair who've created a bit of 'Dhoom' together. Though Bips' (that my nickname) heart flips only for John, I am willing to make an exception in your case. I am absolutely comfortable doing just about anything on screen.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Bipasha Basu.

4. Celina Jaitley:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Celina Jaitley. I made my debut in an Indian flick that had a very modern, international look. Fardeen Khan (my co-star), the violin, the superbikes, the hot women in bikinis-all these were reminiscent of a James Bond flick. But unfortunately, the Indian audience has a very short memory. It conveniently got a lot shorter when I enacted my role on screen. My performance was so utterly unbearable: my husky voice and my light eyes had no takers as it is, but when they portrayed me as a blind violinist on a beach wearing a skimpy swimsuit, the audience regretted spending so much money to watch me play my violin, which was out of tune. The public turned a deaf ear to my off-key violin playing ability (or the sore lack of it, perhaps) and also turned a blind eye to my supermodel figure that was on full display in that skimpy bikini. I agree that getting a part in a Bond movie is no child's 'khel', but I am certainly looking forward to prove my credentials as an actress. If I am accepted in Hollywood, I can also get married to a good-looking martial arts movie star, and thereby change my name to Celina Jet Li.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Celina Jaitley.

5. Kareena Kapoor:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Kareena Kapoor (a.k.a. Bebo), the babe with loads of attitude. My directors give me roles that give me ample scope to show off both my skin and my attitude. Well, the less said about all the movies I've acted in (except 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham') the better, because they're all like bad 'yaadein'. This is not the industry I have grown up in. Bollywood is like a 'refugee' camp, where talent is not appreciated if it happens to belong to a famous filmi family. Even 'Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham' (K3G) gave its entire cast and crew just that: 'kabhi khushi, bahut gham'. I have no 'aitraaz' in doing bold scenes on screen, but trust me, I will never be a 'bewafaa' to you. I would really love to be cast opposite you in your next film, as it is a matter of great honour and pride for any actress to be known as a Bond girl.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Kareena Kapoor.

6. Lara Dutta:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Lara Dutta, the former Miss Universe. I think I fit the bill perfectly for this role. This is because I am a tough, sporty woman who loves adventure sports. I am most comfortable doing dangerous stunts outdoors, just like the ones women are expected to perform in your movies. I am a desi Lara Croft, but unlike Angelina Jolie's feminine features, I look manly and talk in a deep voice. I enjoyed working in movies like 'Andaaz' and performing an item number in 'Khakee'. Will the Bond mive have an item number. James, please 'Kaal' me whenever you want to, and we'll discuss the script, etc. I am hoping we act together. We'll do a lot of 'masti' on the sets together.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Lara Dutta.

7. Mallika Sherawat:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Mallika Sherawat, Bollywood's hottest heroine to date. Bachke Rehna Re, Bond! I hail from Haryana, where women are conservative, and men treat them as if they were their hapless goats or cows. But I am bold, rebellious, strong, independent and sexy. In fact, I have no qualms about kissing on screen either, as I have created a record an Indian record of sorts for the maximum number of smooches in Bollywood movies (with seventeen kisses in my debut movie, 'Khwahish'). All my life, I have longed for a chance to work with you. I can get away with both 'murder' and hot scenes, and to prove that my credentials as an actress are not just a 'myth', I am now working with Jackie Chan, the actor from Hong Kong who is Hollywood's most successful star of Asian origin. I have a great body and I believe that if you have it, flaunt it. I am a reporter's dream, because of the spicy soundbytes I give at every interview.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Mallika Sherawat.

8. Preity Zinta:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Preity Zinta, it is my 'lakshya' to work with you. From the first day I stepped into Bollywood, I prayed 'dil se' that one day I would get a role opposite you. My 'dil chahta hai' that I become a Bond girl. 007 Zinta-baad! Hope you will invite me to read the script of your film preity soon.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Preity Zinta.

9. Priyanka Chopra:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Priyanka Chopra. I hope you have no problem if I come for the audition for the role of the new Bond girl. I have absolutely no 'aitraaz' doing any kind of role you offer me.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Priyanka Chopra.

10. Rani Mukherjee:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Rani Mukherjee. I am currently the Queen Bee reigining Bollywood. Whenever I think about you, 'kuch kuch hota hai'. In fact, 'bahut kuch hota hai'. I have been a huge fan of yours ever since I was younger. I do not mind even if I have to play the role of a 'ghulam' in a Bond film. Leta kya audition? Before I wrote this letter to you expressing my desire to star in a Bond movie, my life was like a 'paheli'. It was all black, until I discovered that you are the ray of hope for an actress like me. So what say, will your next film star 'hum' and 'tum'? Maybe you could name it 'Bondy aur Babli'.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Rani Mukherjee.

11. Shilpa Shetty:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Shilpa Shetty. I am willing to do anything to work in a Bond movie. I have been waiting for this chance for a very long time. I am hoping this character has a hot item number and some exciting stunts, which I am really looking forward to do. Phir Milenge.

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Shilpa Shetty.

12. Urmila Matondkar:

Dear James,

Hi! I am Urmila Matondkar. I am always eager to take up something new and exciting, and I am sure this is naother wonderful opportunity to prove my acting abilities. Mr. Bond, I will, however, do this movie only on two conditions: firstly, m ust have an item number picturised on me like the one in the otherwise forgettable China Gate, and secondly, the director of the Bond movie must be our very own Ramuji (Ram Gopal Varma).

Hoping to hear from you at the earliest.

Yours sincerely,

Urmila Matondkar.

Are you wondering which one of these has been able to convince James Bond? I can't blame you, because I am too.