Chappell's e-mails to Indian players

CHAPPELL’S E–MAILS TO HIS BOYS
By Akshay A. Kalbag
Ever since former Australian captain Greg Chappell took over from former Kiwi skipper John Wright as India’s coach, things have gone (w) right for the Indian side and horribly wrong for Sourav Ganguly. The left–hander was left out of the squad, which meant that an era of Dadagiri had come to an end. The Prince of Kolkata had been reduced to a pauper, and for once, the Bengal tiger had stopped roaring and started mewing like an old cat that had been discarded in favour of a team of younger, fitter and more loyal lions, with the passion to perform and the determination to win at all costs. Relations have sour (av) ed between Greg and Gone–guly, thanks to the controversial e–mail the coach wrote to the Board, in which he criticised the former Indian captain. This e–mail was leaked in the media, causing a furore, and all of a sudden, it did not seem as if all was well at the Garden of Eden. Former BCCI president Jagmohan Dalmiya, who manipulated the funds of the Board of Control for Cricket in India, is now fighting an intense legal battle. However seeing Dalmiya’s callous attitude and lack of accountability in the functioning of the Board during his tenure as the Board president, it should have been renamed ‘Bored of Control for Cricket in India’. His successor, Sharad Pawar is a ‘pawar’ful politician from Baramati, who also serves as the Minister for Agriculture and Food Supplies in India’s union government. The third change was the appointment of Ganguly’s long–time deputy, Rahul Dravid, as the captain of the Indian cricket team. Sources within the team may not be very reliable, but they claim that Chappell still occasionally sends the players an e–mail, telling them what he feels about them, without mincing any words, in a manner that only Greg can. Here are the excerpts of the e–mails he sent the entire squad. He has also found a way to play on the name of his bete noire, Ganguly, in every e-mail that he has sent his boys.
E–mail # 1:
From: Greg Chappell
To: Rahul Dravid
Hi Rahul!
You’ve done a fantastic job since taking over the responsibility of leading the Indian side, mate! The boys are young, fit and raring to go, and after the initial hiccups, have come back very strongly in the past few months to win series against Sri Lanka, South Africa, Pakistan and England. Skipper, I am not into poetry at all, but you are ‘the Wall’, as you always stand tall and have a ball, even as wickets at the other end fall! But mate, you got to remember one thing for once and for all, and that is, when you go out for the toss, please take the right call. And oh yeah, by the way, I don’t regret making Sourav feel small! You’ve got several reasons to feel satisfied with the performance of the boys, Rahul!
Greg.
E–mail # 2:
From: Greg Chappell
To: Sachin Tendulkar
Hi Sachin!
You’ve been in the side for about 17 years now, and you are a great asset to this Indian team, whether it is with the bat, the ball or in the field, or just as a team man, motivating the young guys in ‘Team India’. We’ve already given Dada the cold shoulder, but what I am really worried about is your health. You have scored tons of runs in the past 17 seasons, but I fear you may not be able to elbow out the oppositions as effectively and single–handedly as you would in the past even after you are fully fit. I hope it does not mean a case of ‘Sach in, Sach out’ when you walk out into the middle. However, I want you to remember that you ‘ad’ (I mean add) great value to the side, thanks to the numerous product endorsements you do. Sachin, your body is a national treasure, and we don’t want it to go to ‘waist’. When you finally get well and are ready for a come ‘back’, you will have to ‘shoulder’ the additional responsibility (along with Rahul, of course) of inspiring and instilling confidence into a bunch of ‘hip’ youngsters. Get well soon, Sachin!
Greg.
E–mail # 3:
From: Greg Chappell
To: Anil Kumble; V.V.S. Laxman; Zaheer Khan; Ashish Nehra; L. Balaji
Hi Anil, Laxman, Zaheer, Ashish and Balaji,
The five of you are still in my scheme of things. Please make no mistake about that. While Kumble’s ‘googlies’ will continue to bamboozle batsmen (as well as fox me, because I do not understand what he is bowling, to be very honest), Laxman should stop being a lax man and work harder on his fielding (though he is still a very very stylish batsman in my opinion.) As for Zaheer, Nehra and Balaji, injuries have taken their toll on your bodies, and newer, fitter and faster bowlers have made their debuts and done pretty well so far, thanks to your lack of fitness. But I still think all you guys have a bright future ahead, and there’s no need to be Souravful (sorry, sorrowful)! In fact, keep smiling, like Balaji always does.
Greg.
E–mail # 4:
From: Greg Chappell
To: Virender Sehwag; Yuvraj Singh; Mohammed Kaif; Gautam Gambhir
Hi Viru, Yuvi, Kaif and Gautam,
You guys are the young turks of the team, and you have been entrusted with the task of infusing fresh enthusiasm in the team. Viru and Kaif, it is undoubtedly nice to have young legs in the side like yours, but what worries me most is the bad patch that the two of you have been going through for the past couple of series. Viru, you are the vice–captain of Team India, and you have to ensure that the team gets off to a flying start as you are also an opening batsman. You have to dominate right from the word ‘go’ because your regular opening partner Sachin, whose batting style (and poor form in recent times) you have emulated, is injured, and also because Ganguly does not exactly make me feel very gung ho. Please pull up your socks! The same goes for Kaif, who has been walking out to the crease in the last few matches and catwalking back to the pavilion very quickly, much like that other Kaif (Katrina.) As for Yuvraj, you are in good nick, and you just have to ensure that you maintain it for the crunch matches coming up later in the season. You are a brilliant fielder and a useful part–time left–arm slow bowler too, and those are as much assets as your batting and your infectious enthusiasm. Gautam, it is high time you also became a little bit more ‘gambhir’ about your batting, mate! Good luck, guys!
Greg.
E–mail # 5:
From: Greg Chappell
To: Irfan Pathan; Harbhajan Singh; Mahendra Singh Dhoni
Hi Irfan, Bhajji and Dhoni,
The future of ‘Team India’ rests as much on your young shoulders as it does on those of Virender Sehwag, Mohammed Kaif, Yuvraj Singh and Gautam Gambhir, and also on those of the newcomers like Suresh Raina, S. Sreesanth, Ramesh Powar, Robin Utthappa, Venugopal Rao, V.R.V. Singh, Rudra Pratap Singh, Munaf Patel and the relatively experienced campaigners, Ajit Agarkar and Murali Kartik, who have been in and out of the side in recent times. All these guys are very much in my plans for the future. It is upto you to be the architects involved in rebuilding ‘Team India’. Coming back to the main point of writing to you guys, I must admit I am impressed with the way you take both your roles (cricketers and youth icons) very seriously. I hope you guys continue to rock on over a long period of time! While Dada has been shown the door, several doors have opened for you to display your talent. Dhoni, please bear in mind that while endorsement offers for hair oil and shampoo may come your way, I hope you do not let it go to your head. Irfan, you have the ability to bowl maiden overs with your swing bowling and bowl the maidens over with your batting, fielding and, of course, good looks. Harbhajan, I am your mentor and as long as you have the ball in your hand, I sincerely hope you will always continue to be the turbaned tormentor and have a ball! Keep up the good work, boys!
Greg.
Chappell surely hopes these e–mail messages work wonders to improve the confidence of his boys. But one thing is clear: he has not quite been able to get former India captain Sourav Ganguly out of his mind yet. And from the looks of it, it does not appear that that will happen. After all, Dada, India’s most successful Test captain ever, has been giving Greg sleepless nights right from the outset!