Simian slur irks Symonds

Simian slur irks Symonds



By: Akshay A. Kalbag



The 2007-2008 edition of the Border-Gavaskar Trophy, which symbolises cricketing relations between India and Australia, has so far been characterised by allegations of racist taunts and a series of umpiring blunders by the two biased B's (Messrs. Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson).



Charles Darwin, who propounded the theory of evolution (in which he said man's ancestors were apes), must be turning in his grave and is probably being cursed by the primate population of the world because Andrew Symonds, the dreadlocked Australian all-rounder, complained about being called a 'big monkey' by none other than the off-spinner from Punjab, Harbhajan Singh (who is affectionately known as Bhajji).



The allegations of racism levelled by Symonds (known to his teammates as Symmo) against the bowler also known as the 'Turbanator' do not befit a thirty-something cricketer. In fact, even an eight-year-old would scoff at the Aussie, because the word 'monkey' is not considered offensive even by elementary school kids, who are more likely to use it to mock their peers at the playground.



Having said that, newspapers in the cricket-playing nations of the world probably reported what Symonds interpreted as monkey. What the ebullient Sikh actually uttered may have been on the lines of ' teri maa ki' (which is a popular term of endearment in the northern part of India, where Harbhajan hails from). Another theory states that he could have cordially invited Symonds to his home in Jallandhar for a hearty meal of makkai di roti and sarson da saag.



While the turbaned tweaker found himself in the eye of a storm for engaging in seemingly harmless banter (or is it ' bandar'?) with the burly Queenslander, one of Symonds' mates 'hogged' the limelight for giving the controversy a new spin (literally). The only difference between the comments made by Harbhajan and those made by Brad Hogg was that the ones by the Australian left-arm spinner were far more derogatory than the ones made by the Indian offie.



Hogg should be rechristened Bad Hogg immediately for implying that the Indian captain Anil Kumble and his deputy Mahendra Singh Dhoni were born out of wedlock. However, the Indian players, true to their 'cricket's nice guys' image, dropped the charges of abuse against him. Now we only wish good sense had prevailed upon Kumble's opposite number Ricky Ponting and his teammates as well, and they'd taken the Harbhajan-Symonds case with a bucketful of salt.



Since the commencement of the four-Test series between India and Australia Down Under, the media and the public have been focusing so much on the alleged misdemeanours of Harbhajan, Symonds and Hogg, that they have failed, as usual, to see the big picture, namely the umpiring controversy.

Every person in India is an expert on cricket, and the lack of judgment on the part of the umpires led the blue billion to believe that the Sydney Test was being played between eleven Indians and thirteen Australians. Incidentally, the word 'blue' here refers to the mood in India after Australia took an unassailable 2-0 lead in the four-Test series.



For almost two decades, we know about the exploits of the Waugh twins, Steve and Mark, who donned Australia's baggy green caps and had opposition bowlers quaking in their boots. The ongoing Test series between India and Australia will always be remembered for the dubious decisions made by their namesakes in white coats, namely Steve Bucknor and Mark Benson.



While former West Indian fast bowler Michael Holding (who is now a popular television commentator) was nicknamed 'Whispering Death', his compatriot Bucknor has earned himself the sobriquet 'Slow Death', because of the time he takes to raise his finger and signal the end of a batsman's innings. Bucknor is now the seniormost member of the International Cricket Council's (ICC) Elite Panel of umpires.



The Indian team and the spectators would like to believe that the Jamaican official suffers from visual and hearing impairment, and feel he would be a misfit even in a cricket match for the blind, let alone a Test match. Bucknor has been Team India's nemesis for a long time now, and they can breathe a sigh of relief that he will take no part in the remainder of the series.



Not much is known about Benson though, except that the umpire from England was Bucknor's partner in crime in the Sydney Test and has now been shown the door along with the West Indian.



After a sad fortnight in the history of Indian cricket, it is perhaps fitting that the duo has been replaced by a pair whose personalities are as different from each other as chalk and cheese: the Pakistani umpire Asad Rauf and the man with the crooked finger, New Zealand's Billy Bowden.



There is an interesting speculation doing the rounds about the future of the two beleaguered umpires, Mark Benson and Steve Bucknor. While Benson will probably go back to England and tend to his hedges, Bucknor, on the other hand, might announce his retirement soon, return to his native Jamaica and cut a reggae album under the pseudonym Stevie Blunder.



If Rauf's fellow Pakistani umpire Aleem Dar took controversial decisions in the manner of Bucknor and Benson, he would upset Andrew Symonds so much that he would be compelled to request the ICC to ban Dar. The call to ban the Pakistani umpire is a part of a vicious cycle, because 'ban Dar' sounds like 'bandar' (the Hindi word for monkey), which is what he claims Harbhajan Singh called him.



The Indians are sing(h)ing har bhajan and hoping that the umpires are kind to them and also that there is no repetition of the fracas between Bhajji and Symmo the simian. The Aussies are praying that Andrew Symonds is the (mon)key to their success and Brad Hogg stops giving both Australians and pigs a bad name. And, last but not the least, passionate cricket fans like us hope that the umpires, Rauf and Billy, are able to prevent the situation on the field from getting silly.